


A hopeless romantic

by neongruen



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Established Relationship, M/M, Majorine, Weddings, kenny/butters and wendy/eric if you want to believe, side Stan/Kyle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 01:31:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6033169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neongruen/pseuds/neongruen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Craig and Tweek are attending the unevitable 'Marshlovski' wedding together and Craig accidentally catches the wedding bouquet. People get nosy and assume things, which leads Craig to get pissed and ask Tweek a very important question.</p>
<p>(if you were looking for a creek wedding fic, you won't find it here. actually it's the exact opposite)</p>
            </blockquote>





	A hopeless romantic

**Author's Note:**

> this is a short cynical (but kinda sweet?) fic about creek not wanting to marry each other. i left the wedding itself vague bc the style is supposed to be a minor part and i feel like their wedding would need a whole fic on its own. two more things i should mention: smoking people and genderfluid butters/majorine. enjoy~

"Stanley Marsh, do you take Kyle Broflovski to be your husband? Do you promise to be true to him in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love him and honor him all the days of your life?"

"I do."

Craig rolled his eyes at the exchange of vows, it was truly the epitome of cliché. He really wouldn't feel the slightest surprise if all of this would be topped by a disney-esque musical number and rainbows appeared in the sky. His nose twitched in annoyance at the thought and he made a mental note to never accept a wedding invitation ever again. Especially not from two of your childhood acquaintances, you weren't even that close to begin with. It had been more of a rivalry thing. Maybe Stan and Kyle secretly laughed at him, knowing that all of this was pissing him off to no end. One last act of juvenile pranking. As he looked around the rows nearly everyone else seemed moved by the kitsch fest they just had witnessed, while the only thing Craig felt was a yawn creeping up.

Someone was tugging carefully but decisive on the sleeve of his tuxedo. Another reason why he despised events like this, wearing a suit. Craig had been kind of impressed that he even owned one in the first place, when he really couldn't remember buying it. 

"Hm?" He turned his head to his boyfriend sitting next to him in the pews. Of course Tweek was here with him. There was no way Craig would endure this all on his own when the only other normal person - that would have been Kenny - is kind of tied up in his role as best man.

"How much longer will it take?" Tweek whispered, he had tried to do something to his hair this morning but it hadn't even lasted an hour, leaving the blond's hair even messier and Craig didn't thought it a bad thing. "I hate churches! They're so big, makes my head spin."

"Not long now, I hope," Craig answered, longing for a cigarette and starting to get hungry again. He'd kill a man if he had to hear more than two speeches before there would be an opportunity to eat.

"It's even more boring than I thought it would be," Tweek muttered.

"At least there will be free food," Craig offered.

"And free drinks!" the blond added enthusiastically.

"Psst!" someone shushed angrily. Wendy was turning around in front of them, glaring at the two boys. Her eyes were glistening, apparently it was that part of a wedding when people started crying. Craig flipped her off but remained silent for the rest of the ceremony.

Craig could have sworn that time went by three times slower than normally. But somehow, after what felt like another hour minimum, people were leaving the church. Tweek and Craig finally made it outside, with Craig dragging his boyfriend along a bit aside from the main turmoil, that was building up at the church door. He brought a cigarette to his lips and watched the chaos from afar. It would take so much extra time until everyone would be ready to leave for good. Maybe he should just go home, buy his own booze and order some pizza. Skip the bullshit. 

"Did you feel like the eyes of the saints on the stained-glass were following you too?" Tweek asked anxiously as he stood huddled close to Craig.

"No, not really," Craig replied dryly. “Was too busy ignoring my urge to puke."

His boyfriend laughed just the slightest at that remark. "Are weddings always like this?" 

"Do you mean boring? Unnecessary? A complete and utter waste of my time?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Seems like it."

“I don't want to marry," the blond suddenly said matter-of-factly. "I don't see the point and it's way too much pressure. Why would I want that?"

"Wedding's suck," Craig agreed and felt so much sympathy for the boy next to him. "We can fuck later during the party if you like," he suggested nonchalantly between two drags.

"Craig!" 

"What?" he snapped, "Afraid you'll miss a thrilling speech from the groom's father or one of the embarassing games they will play?"

"Sweet Jesus, totally forgot about those."

They were interrupted when a weary looking Kenny approached them. "Oh my God, I thought it would never end!" he groaned, gesturing for Craig to give him one of his cigarettes. The latter obeying grudgingly. "I mean, I love them, really, I do! They're cute and my BFF's 5ever and shit but I swear I was so close to falling asleep."

"It was the worst," Craig consented.

"Whatever," Kenny brushed off, "Now that that's finally over, are you guys ready for the party? As the best man I guarantee you, you will not be disappointed alcohol-wise." 

"Only reason why we're still here," Tweek told him unpatiently. 

"That's the spirit!" the best man exclaimed happily and gave the blonde boy a thumps up. "It's strange, you know. Being one of the honour attendants and all. I mean, I know everyone here, it's so creepy. Who the fuck am I supposed to bang tonight?" 

Craig couldn't stop himself from snorting. "How would I know?"

"Majorine looked kinda cute in her dress but other than that I don't have a clue either," Tweek interjected, although it was rather jokingly.

"Interesting point, Tweekers," Kenny mumbled, as he laid a finger on his chin as if in thought. "I will consider that."

"What's taking them so long?" With his smoke almost finished, Craig hadn't the nerves to wait here all day only to arrive somewhere else to wait there some more.

Kenny shrugged. "The usual wedding stuff, like taking photos, throwing the flower bouquet, getting divorced again."

Craig shifted a bit aside to flick his cigarette away. Something flying in his direction was capturing his attention and grabbed for it while still in mid-air. 

"Nice reflexes, Spidey," Kenny commented, but then almost choking on smoke laughing when he saw what Craig had caught. "Of all the fucking people."

Craig inspected the smaIl flowery something in his hand. It looked rather like a slightly bigger brooch and was clearly meant to be pinned to a jacket. "Why do I have this?"

"What's that?" Tweek wondered. 

"That's the wedding bouquet," the best man explained with a mischievious grin, "The person who catches it is said to marry next."

"Sorry!" someone yelled from a few yards away, it was Kyle. He was surrounded by a disappointing to borderline angry looking cluster of women and men.

"You can have it back!" Craig called angrily.

"I don't want to!" came the answer and he saw Stan cracking up beside the red-head, fucking typical. "You caught it, it's yours now!" was all he said before he turned away for good.

"Fuck you too," Craig grumbled. 

Tweek eyed the flowers suspiciously. "What will you do with it?"

"I'm gonna throw this away," he stated.

"Oh, like hell you will," Kenny protested, snatching the thing out of Craig's hands. "Some of the people here would commit murder to switch places with you," he insisted, fiddling with Craig's shirt and tugging the flowers to his front pocket. "See, there you go! It's tradition, dude. You surely don't want any bad luck for the newly-weds?"

"B-Bad luck?" Tweek echoed with a twitch.

"There's no such tradition," Craig dead-panned.

"Better safe than sorry," Kenny said, before stomping out his cigarette.

"I hate everything."

"Anyway, I think I'm needed elsewhere now. See you at the party!” he winked at them and left.

"C-Craig?" he heard his boyfriend stutter.

"What's wrong?"

"Um, please don't ask me to marry you because of this."

"What the fuck?" He looked down at Tweek. "Of course not!"

"A-Alright, just making sure," the blond clarified. "Because I don't want to, I swear I will say no."

"I really don't want to marry you. I promise."

Tweek studied his face for a moment but then broke out in a hesistant smile. "That's such a relief," he sighed and reached for Craig's hand.

Little did Craig know by then, that he contrary to everything he just said, would end up kneeling in front of Tweek today – and not the BJ kind of kneeling – asking him a very important question.

It all started during the party's reception when Majorine pointed cheerfully at the flowers on his jacket. "You're so lucky that you caught it, I really wish I had," she pouted.

"You can have it, I don't want to marry anyway," he tried, hoping that that would end this conversation soon.

"It doesn't work like that, silly!" she giggled. "And are you sure you don't want to? I imagine it being so nice though, you can have this great party in a castle just for you and wear a pretty dress and there will be lilac flowers and the ceremony will be at the beach and I want little cupcakes instead of a wedding cake-"

"Sounds like _your_ wedding is pretty planned out already," he interrupted her with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh, it is," she assured him happily. "It's just, you shouldn't rule it out like that."

"Whatever."

Craig didn't thought much of it then, but it continued to get worse when they went to congratulate the bridal pair.

"Congratulations, I guess."

"Thank you. And sorry, about earlier. I'm not that good at aiming," Kyle said, grinning apologetically. "But I do think it's about time for you and Tweek anyway. You're such a great couple and how long have you been together now? It's been over ten years for sure, dude." 

"Save your breath, I don't even want to marry," Craig made clear before the groom could continue any further.

Kyle exchanged a long look with his husband. Craig loathed it when they did that, have their little telepathic conversations, they had been doing this ever since elementary. "You will change your mind eventually," Kyle informed him and smiled softly. He sounded almost pitiful like Craig was a child that couldn't yet understand that he probably wouldn't grew up to be president, and that got Craig's pulse racing in fury. "No, I won't! I love Tweek, but I still don't want to marry him," he spat, Craig registered Tweek stirring beside him, that's when he realized his open declaration. He felt a blush spread on his face. "Why is that concept so hard to understand? I know you're the groom and I'm supposed to be nice but fuck you, seriously." He didn't feel as bad as he should be insulting the groom on his wedding and all, but nobody called him out on it so he just stomped away. 

With Tweek following close behind, Craig let himself fall at at a nearby table where some of their friends sat. He desperately needed something to drink, he didn't care for the fact that it was a bit too early to start with the alcohol yet.

"Hey guys," Wendy greeted them from across the table, then leaning a little towards the blond as if she was about to tell a secret. "And? When will Craig pop the big question to you?" At which Tweek only smiled uncomfortably.

"What's wrong with all of you?" Craig called out, "Nobody gets married, weddings are so fucking overrated!" 

"You just say that because your own parents are divorced," she said in a know-it-all manner.

“Well, joke's on you because my parents are still together," he countered viciously, "Miserable as fuck but not divorced!" 

"But what's so bad about marrying?" Wendy questioned a bit worried.

"Yeah, marrying is awesome," Cartman was adding loudly, "Just think of all the tax benefits!"

"It shouldn't be about money, Eric!” she scolded him.

" _It shouldn't be about money, Eric!_ " he mimicked her.

Wendy called him something nasty, then Cartman shouted something equally insulting back. And after that the two were fighting a heated argument, Craig felt a headache coming up. It didn't help that Ike was sitting close by blurting out random facts about weddings such as 'If a cat sneezes on the day before the wedding, it is considered good luck' and 'In 1976 a woman in L.A. married a 50lb rock'

Craig let his head fall into his hands. "I'm too sober for this crap," he groaned. "Do you need something too?" he adressed the blonde boy next to him. "Whatever you have, dude," Tweek shrugged.

To his great misfortune Craig bumped into Mrs. Broflovski as he waited for their drinks to be made.

"You're the young man who caught the wedding bouquet," she stated.

"Yep," he forced out, grating his teeth.

"You and the skinny blond are really cute together, make sure to sent us an invitation for your wedding, will you?"

His drinks were placed on the counter. "Yeah about that, there will be no wedding."

"What a shame. Why not?"

He shouldn't let his anger out on her but he felt his self-control crumble. "For the last time, I don't plan on marrying anyone ever! It's not about Tweek and me, I just don't want to in general."

"Oh? But aren't you afraid you'll end up lonely when you're older?" That was it. That was the last straw. He downed one of the drinks and left wordlessly, heading back to their table.

"Tweek!" he called from a distance.

The blond turned to him and looked instantly disappointed. "You forgot the drinks, dude," was the first thing his boyfriend said.

Craig didn't answer, he shoved the empty chair next to Tweek away and knelt down in front of the blond. Their friends occupying the table watched with different expressions that varied from horrified over amused to 'told you so'. 

"Please don't do this," he heard the other boy press out in horror.

"We've been together for so long now," Craig began determinedly, "And you're really the only person who understands me."

"Stop," Tweek pleaded. "I thought we talked about this!"

"Let me finish, please."

"Craig w-why?"

"Tweek Tweak, will you not marry me and blow me in the restroom?"

"W-What?"

"The last part is optional of course but I wouldn't object." 

"You asshole!" Tweek exclaimed, a hand on his chest in relief. "Fuck you, dude! You had me really scared there for a second!" 

"Okay, but what do you say?"

"Of course I do! Um, I mean, I don't!" the blond replied promptly. Tweek looked him straight in the eye and continued earnestly, "Craig Tucker, I do not want to marry you."

"Awesome!" Craig had the hint of a smile on his face. "So, 'yes' to all of it or just the 'not marrying' part?"

Tweek laughed and pulled him in for a brief kiss. "Wouldn't you like to know?"

"As if I'd care, I'm flexible," Craig huffed in fake indifference. He watched the blond's face lit up in amusement and affection, allowing himself a bit of sentiment, he confessed, "I do love you, dude."

"Shut up, and get me to the restroom already!"

**Author's Note:**

> why do i want to write an extra smut chapter, no brain no


End file.
